Executive Mandate and the 9-5 Window of Opportunities

by Judy Ng

I googled "Executive Mandate" and came across: Executive Mandate: A CEO's Rapid Deployment Guide to Creating a Performance-Driven Culture, 2009 LEADERSHIP SERIES SPONSORED BY I-NEXUS. So, how does a Christian view this-"a performance-driven culture"? We'll leave that to the executives to deal with.

However, we are interested to consider it from the family's point of view-whatever mandate may be given, since all of us belong to a family, our family should be our priority. Some of the common comments that I often hear as I interact with people include the following.

"My wife is off traveling again ..."

"My parents are never around; mum has her meetings till late at night and dad has his meetings."

"My husband has been overseas for the last 10 years, comes back only once a year; this year, he was back only for three days. And my children are lashing out at me especially my 12-year old daughter."

Someone wrote in a recent article, Marriage Partnership.com, in Christianity Today, "My wife's a successful, assertive businesswoman. I'm thrilled that she is fulfilled in her work, but she brings that same driven mindset home. I can handle the way she manages the household, but not the way she dictates the terms of our sex life. She schedules our sex, as if it's part of her agenda to be completed between the weather report and "Nightline." Her driven nature may work great in the business world, but it fails miserably in bed …"

From all the above comments, the common cry is that the family is breaking up or has broken down because of absentee fathers, or absentee mothers, or absentee parents, or absentee spouses and to some extent, feminism. How should we respond?

When we look at family life in ages gone by, they probably did not keep a 9-5 schedule as they started very early in the morning, being an agrarian society … but they were "at home" and they worked as a family. In other words, the family saw each other, older ones mentored younger ones, they were there for each other. That is probably the main difference then and now-togetherness: a common goal, a common vision, a common mission, a family community.

Our culture demands that we keep up with the Joneses, the Tans and the Chandrans. But should we? Perhaps it all comes down to how contented we really are. Why do we work? There's absolutely nothing wrong with work, but why are we so driven to keep up with the world? What values are we teaching when our children don't get to see us much, and we tell our loved ones we love them but we don't have time for them? We tell them we're working hard to give them the best when what they want is our presence.

Fathers, you are a minister to your family and that means you represent God to your loved ones. They need the presence of God, they need someone in the flesh. Your physical absence means you're out of reach-that will be their concept of God-one who says He loves but is unreachable. What goes through the mind of the young people? "Can He be trusted when He's like my dad?"

For mothers, God has made us nurturers. "When I've a joy to share, where is mum? When I need a shoulder to cry on, where is mum? When I need to snuggle and be held, where is mum?" Husbands need to be there for their wife. Your marriage vow says you'll cherish her, you'll protect her, you'll provide for her … it is not just dollars and cents, you have to take care of her heart as well. You're her spiritual leader.

Wives who may be out there scrambling up the corporate ladder have to consider their husband's needs. Is it so important to be recognized by the world when God assures us that we are equal whether we're male or female? The wife needs to be there to meet the needs of the husband who is bombarded daily by the media with all kinds of sexual fantasies that are easily available.

Why is it so easy, especially for men, to become addicted to pornography or to get involved in an affair-whether it be a physical or an emotional one? Where is the spouse? When we find our marriage on the rocks, we need to look at ourselves and realize that the choices we make lead us to where we are.

The book, The Man In The Mirror-Solving the 24 Problems Men Face by Patrick Morley is a good book to check out, especially the 'open letter' of chapter 23 on accountability. I would really encourage all of us to have accountability partners to start anew in our everyday living. Our spouse should be one of our accountability partners. In the course of this last week, I encountered three different stories which all came down to incommunicado between spouses … sigh … because of work related issues. Three different families where both husband and wife are out in the work force are facing divorce! The couples are out there to work "for the family" and this is the result!

Chapter 24 of the book gives some practical daily steps to making changes; I'll not reproduce it here as I would really encourage us to read the book and discuss the questions there with your spouse and accountability partners. No, it's not just a 9-5 job but it's a 24/7 Christian Mandate that we need to think about-am I who God wants me to be as a husband, a wife, a child, an executive, a homemaker, a Christian? Do let us think about it. God bless our families!

Judy has spoken at many FamilyLife conferences. She and her husband, Michael have been happily married since 1984 and have two daughters.