A Mentor and His Mentees

by Rev Dr Herbert Tan

I have been involved in some form of discipleship/mentoring relationship over the years. Not all mentoring relationships have been successful. But I thank God for the precious souls that He entrusted to me - some over a few years of intensive discipling, others in six weeks of intensive mentoring at the recently concluded Jeremiah School (a leadership development program for school leavers) and the rest in non-regular informal sessions. Some are local and easily accessible while others live far away or overseas.

I asked them for feedback on our mentoring relationships recently. Reading their responses has been a moving experience. Here are some of their stories. To God be the glory!

Mark, a Form 5 graduate

Mentoring has really benefited me. I thank God for giving me such a good mentor in Uncle Herbert. He helped me get started in studying the Word of God more seriously. I also had the opportunity to share with him my thoughts and feelings. There is a bond between us that will last for a long time. A mentor is one of the best things I can have because there is someone to watch over my development and growth in the Lord.

Chee Eng, a Form 6 graduate

I recently attended Jeremiah School. During that time I had the privilege of being placed under a mentor, Uncle Herbert. What I like about this mentor-mentee relationship is the openness that exists between us. I feel free to share some of the struggles and questions I have. My mentor shares some of his struggles as well and we pray for each other. Another thing that has really encouraged me is the affirmation that he has given me. I believe that I have grown as a person and in my relationship with God during the time Uncle Herbert has been actively mentoring me.

Joshua, a Form 6 graduate

Some people perceive mentors as Energizer bunnies that keep coming after you to tell you to do your Quiet Time and practice the spiritual disciplines. But that's not how it is with Herbert and me. Unconsciously I've been involved in a mentoring relationship with Herbert. Without my realizing it, he helped change my life. Every now and then at night, after a long day at work, he'd call me to find out how I am feeling or how my day has been. His way of mentoring is slow and gentle - no forcing, nothing formal, definitely no guilt tripping.

Herbert has become more than a mentor to me. He is a father, a friend and, most of all, a role model. He has become one of the most important persons in my life and a part of who I am. We live quite far apart. But every time he's in town, he'd call me and we'd go for a meal together and chat. He is a friend with whom I can talk about my struggles. He bore with me my burdens and was there for me in times of sorrow. God revealed His love for me through Herbert.

Zas, a university student

If you ask how our mentoring relationship started, I don't exactly know. Herbert sent an SMS to say he was praying for me. After a few more conversations, a mentoring relationship developed. I remember once standing beside the window in my room. It was past midnight and I was contemplating suicide. He called and told me, "Don't let go! If you really commit suicide, I will cry and it will also hurt many people." There were many nights and many similar moments when I thought of giving up and ending my life. It was Herbert who lifted me up and said, "Hey, friend, shall we continue with the journey together?" He let me know how special I was, how worthy I was. He has been an encouragement to me to devote my life to God, to continue to long to experience God and know Him more. Herbert is like a father to me and has enabled me to understand the father heart of God. Our mentoring relationship has helped me to accept and be myself so I can grow to be more like Christ.

Vincent, a university student

It has been about 10 years now since I first met Dr Herbert. He was the speaker for our Intermediate Methodist Youth Fellowship camp back then. I was an impressionable 15-year-old and am glad Dr Herbert took the initiative to befriend me (and the rest as well, of course). I have been truly blessed and privileged to have a Christlike yet earthly role model to emulate ever since. His e-mails, calls and SMSes have never failed to spur me on in my walk with Christ. One particular area that Dr Herbert has really impacted me is in the area of cross-cultural missions. Beginning from the time I got to know him, I have gone on four cross-cultural mission trips (one of the things that I never dared to dream of before our encounter) - the first trip with him physically present and the rest with his words/actions imprinted on my mind. I have been working and will continue to work on being a mentor to others when the opportunity arises.

Noel, an engineer

After attending a MAXIMERS course by Dr Herbert Tan, I had the privilege of entering into a mentoring relationship with him. I wanted to put in place certain life principles and see my life beyond my clouded perspective. I was hoping to unload my life concerns and wait for solutions ("just tell me what I should do and I will do it!").

Instead, my mentor was a patient listener who helped me discover for myself some key issues that I had not considered. I found it a great blessing to receive constructive advice and practical suggestions on how to put some principles into practice. I was given the space to be myself and our meetings were scheduled to my availability. There was never any rush to reach targets. The mentoring times I had were an important part of my life.

Bob, a financial analyst

About 13 years ago, Herbert and I would meet once a week after work. Our times together weren't that structured; we spent time talking, discussing my questions and burdens, and praying. The one thing that I remember even to this day is that he was always open to questions. When I shared my struggles and doubts, he was not judgmental but always listened with an understanding attitude. Instead of focusing on shoving doctrine and knowledge into my head and getting through a program, he gently guided me according to where I was. I try to emulate such an attitude when ministering to others, both Christians and non-Christians.

Johnsan, a pastor

I was rebellious, aggressive and very vocal when I first met Herbert 12 years ago. I was always seen as a problematic character everywhere I went. I remember asking Herbert if I was going to be useless in God's Kingdom (that was how many educators thought of me). He replied that I was precisely the type of guy that God needed to send to the frontline and be on the cutting edge of ministry.

I was a "doubting Thomas" spiritually. Herbert, who has a math and science background, was great when it came to wrestling with intellectual questions and finding spiritual applications. He would ask penetrating questions that made my seminary classmates and me look for answers to the major struggles of our spiritual journey.

Herbert's personality is very different from mine. I realized long ago I was never going to be a leader in his mold. I owe it to Herbert because he didn't try to make me like him but helped me to be a leader like "me". Today, I get positive comments from my colleagues that I am a very different type of leader with a unique character.

Rev Dr Herbert Tan is a FamilyLife Consultant with MCCC. Married with 2 children, he does extensive training for families and leaders who work with youth throughout Malaysia. He is also a Strategic Resource member of South-East Asia Campus Crusade for Christ.