The Role of the Wife and Mother

by Judy Ng

Let us now consider the different roles of a woman as a wife and mother. As I've stated earlier, I want to again emphasize that in the husband-wife relationship, a couple is a complete unit. No other relationship shall take preference, not even the parent-child relationship. The husband-wife relationship is to be exclusive and it is the primary relationship of the family. Upon this foundation of God's design, a couple will experience marital oneness and harmony. In this environment, intimacy, loyalty, trust, faithfulness & companionship can be built. This binds and causes the relationship to grow and flourish, promising a healthy home.

A wife's role is very significant. She can be a tremendous help to her husband. Her contribution, wisdom, insight and understanding cannot be underestimated. Let me suggest 3 roles of a wife; she is to be her husband's companion, supporter and admirer.

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to alone." Although Adam had a perfect relationship with God, the Lord recognized that Adam was lonely; he had an unmet need. God did not send him 10 friends but He sent him a wife. Adam needed a companion, someone who is there to complete him. When a wife comes alongside as a companion, she communicates love, warmth, trust and loyalty. These are the pillars in a marriage relationship.

In a man's world, he is very much alone in the marketplace - there is stiff competition and it is highly stressful. Most men do not have friends with whom they have developed a deep relationship, where they can share and confide with each other. Nothing can be more comforting for a husband to have a companion at home he can find peace and solitude with. He is so tired of competition; what he needs is a friend, a confidante, one he can be transparent with to share his struggles and his inner world without being criticized, judged, condemned but be understood, that his spirit can be refreshed and strengthened knowing his wife knows what it means to be his companion.

One important aspect of companionship, which only a wife can fulfill, is in the area of sexual intimacy. Be his lover, develop creativity, add an element of surprise for excitement, and learn to demonstrate tenderness by touching your husband in ways that pleases him. Make an effort to plan creative settings to enhance your sexual relationship. Do that and you can be assured your husband would be reluctant to leave the home early and be eager to hurry home to enjoy the companionship of his wife!

God not only created woman to be man's companion, she was also created to be a helper. Gen 2:18b "I will make him a helper suitable for him." She is to be his helpmate, not his housemaid. They are to be interdependent on each other. I Cor 11:11 tell us that the husband and wife need each other. They are to be one, supporting each other and not going separate ways. The idea that when a man gets married, he loses his independence is prevalent in our society. Someone said "A man is incomplete until his is married; then he is finished." Many young people today fear the loss of their freedom and control and so decide not to marry. They fail to understand that in a marriage, a couple works towards interdependence, not independence. Interdependence means we are in the same boat heading towards the same direction versus independence where we are in the same boat but rowing towards different directions.

A healthy relationship is when a wife gives her husband 100% support. She is his cheerleader, she brings out the best in him, she believes in him, she encourages him, and she is quick to praise him and to give him the moral and emotional support he needs. Although a man is generally more cognitive and deals more with facts and logic rather than with his emotions, it does not mean he is any less emotional or has no need for emotional support. In times of difficulty, when the wife reaches out to her husband, it helps to cement the relationship. Emotional bonding is crucial. If a man can't find emotional support from his wife, he may find it elsewhere. Wives, no matter how busy you are, stop! Reach out to support your husband in this area. Your marriage depends on it.

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames (him) is as rottenness in his bones." Pro 12:4

Wives, you have the power to build and support your husband. You also have the power to shame and belittle him. Your support means much more to your husband than you realize. You can make your man or you can break him.

A man wants and needs admiration too; not for his appearance or sex appeal, but for his performance or his success. Generally, people are attracted to those who advise them and are repelled by those who belittle them. Admiration is one of man's deepest & most important needs. The view a man has of himself, his self-worth, is usually from 2 sources, his work and his woman. Wives, you can help build your husband's self-esteem by your admiration.

In the Amplified bible, Eph 5:33b says, "… and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him and that she defers to him, praises him and loves and admires him exceedingly."

In the Bible, respect means to voluntarily lift up another person for special consideration and treatment.

Your husband is not just another person. He is the man you have chosen to commit in marriage for better or for worse. For a husband to feel successful as a man, his wife must respect him. He must be championed. Never correct him in public or in front of the children. Be sensitive and advise him privately. Respecting your husband involves understanding and appreciation. Understand and appreciate his responsibilities and pressures. Understand and appreciate his strength as well as his weakness. Understand and appreciate his difference as a man.

Finally, encouragement demonstrates respect that gives confidence to your husband. Encouragement means specific acts of building him up. Think of 3 things you will do in the coming week to encourage your husband and see what that will do to him. Tell him he is wonderful, that will inspire him to achieve more. He sees himself as capable of handling new responsibilities and perfecting skills far above those of his present level.

Let's now look at the woman's role as a mother. You have heard of IBM computers. Have you heard of the IBM mothers? The mother is the Influencer, Builder and Motivator.

Thomas Edison said, "I did not have my mother long but she cast over me an influence that has lasted all my life. The good effects of her early training I can never lose. If it had not been for her appreciation and her faith in me at a critical time in my experience, I should never likely have become an inventor. I was always a careless boy and with a mother of a different mental caliber, I should have turned out badly. But her firmness, her sweetness, her goodness were potent powers to keep me in the right path. My mother was the making of me. The memory of her will always be a blessing to me."

You too can be an influencer, builder and motivator of your children. Think for a moment how your mother has impacted your life. How has she been a major contributing factor to who you are today?

Napoleon Bonaparte said, "The future destiny of a child is the work of a mother."

The influence you have on your children will also influence their adult life. Often the influence can be so powerful that whether consciously or unconsciously they reflect some of our habits and values in their lives. Someone even said, "If you want to know how your wife will look like in the future, go visit your mother-in-law."

The future destiny of a child is the work of a mother. The future of your child begins in the home when you begin to nurse your child in your arms and continue to mould and nurture them at their tender age. Don't leave this important time of your children's development to the television, the maid or the public schools. The work that you do as a mother is more honorable than any profession.

Theodore Roosevelt, one of America's president said, "When all is said; it is the mother and the mother only who is a better citizen that the soldier who fights for his country. The successful mother, the mother who does her part in rearing and training aright boys and girls who are to be the men and women of the next generation is of greater use to the community. The mother is a supreme asset of the national life. She is more important by far than the successful businessman or statesman or artist or scientist."

The best form of investment is not in the investment market. It is in the lives of your children. Mother, you are the influencer, the builder and motivator. Don't leave this most important work to someone else.

Judy has spoken at many FamilyLife conferences. She and her husband, Michael have been happily married since 1984 and have two daughters.