Sex Education from the Cradle (Part 2)

One day, my 9-year-old came back from school and told me that her friend seated next to her has been repeatedly saying, "Squeeze the cuckoo bird" to her. And he went on to say other words related to the male and female body parts and clothing and even drew pictures of the breasts and penis on her exercise books. I was quite angry when I found out that he had even attempted to grab her pelvic area once! But when I heard how she responded, I was quite relieved! She apparently gave his hand a karate chop, grabbed her ruler and hit his groin area! He dared not try again!

I thank God that in the past years I had put her on a sex education plan and we had discussed topics like areas of the body that are off limits to other’s touches and how to respond when boys get abusive sexually. Most of us parents who are concerned about our children’s sexual development may be asking: How should we teach sex to our children? What are the appropriate things to say at different age levels? I would like to discuss some principles that will help us formulate a proactive plan that is suited to our children, before we take a look at a general proactive sex education plan for our children.

What are the biblical principles to guide us in writing our sex education plan? Let’s just look at 4 key principles that will help us formulate a pro-active Sex Ed plan to help our children develop as God intends.

Firstly, God made us male and female (Genesis 1:26ff). God could have made Adam a unisex being or a hermaphrodite. But He didn’t. He made male to be different from female. And surely, God did not cover His eyes in embarrassment when Adam and Eve had sex. Sex was His beautiful idea! "We must not be ashamed to discuss what God was not ashamed to create," Howard Hendricks once said. That’s an encouragement for us to speak up!

As parents we need to get rid of our discomfort with our own sexuality. Let us accept our own sexuality. Say aloud with joy, "I am glad God made me a man/woman." We must model in appropriate ways what it means to be female or male. The book "Recovering Biblical Manhood & Womanhood" (edited by John Piper and Wayne Grudem) provides good reading. Exult in your sexuality and feel good about your own gender and totally embrace the God-given roles that express the essence of your femininity or masculinity. (Judy and Michael Ng discussed those roles in a past issue. Be sure to get a copy if you do not have one.) Say to yourself once in a while, "Thank you Father, I am a man." or "Thank you Father, I am a woman." "Thank you for sex—the ultimate expression of two equal, important, totally different gender united in complementary oneness!" Appreciate and respect the other gender and affirm the roles God has given them.

Secondly, be comfortable with the sexual curiosity and sexual responsiveness of our children. Questions like "What is that? Why is little brother’s penis different from mine?" are natural. Touching their body parts and trying to figure out what is down there is a natural part of their growth awareness of their own body. Take this opportunity to teach what is appropriate and inappropriate touching and who can touch and who can’t. In the early years, most of the Sex Ed is done informally. In the primary years, the education becomes more formal.

Thirdly, we have to help our children develop personal convictions and responsibility in their sexual relationships. Encourage our children to set boundaries with regard to dating or spousal relationships. To force our convictions on them will backfire. But interacting with them from God’s perspective on sex, sexuality and sexual relationships, and helping them make tough decisions will enable them to develop and affirm their own personal convictions. This will inculcate in them that godly character that will stand in times of temptations.

And fourthly, we have to cultivate mutual respect in our children. Prepare our children to relate to the opposite sex with respect and purity based on God’s perspective. They also need to learn that they are worthy of respect and how to deal with others who show disrespect for their gender or body. Help them uphold biblical standards that serve as guidelines for all sexual relationships--where they can be touched by the opposite sex, what is appropriate dressing, speech, manners and how to carry oneself, what TV programs, movies, magazines to avoid, etc.

What should we include in our sex education plan? Following is a brief outline of what you can include in your education plan:

In conclusion, a word of encouragement comes from Hosea 2:6,7 on how to pray for our children: that God will block their paths with thorn bushes so that they will not look to wrong avenues to satisfy their desires. If we have not started our children on this Sex Ed we can begin now no matter how old they are. Keep trying to connect. Continue to build a loving relationship regardless of the trials and challenges that you face daily. There are plenty of resources on appropriate topics for children of different ages, and centres for support and help around. Do not despair. Dennis and Barbara Rainey of FamilyLife Ministry, have an excellent cassette album on "Teaching Your Children about Sex". I have found it extremely useful in formulating my own sex education plan that would be suited for my children. The Concordia Sex Ed Series is another great help for teaching your children about sexual issues.

Ling Ming is a consultant with both the FamilyLife and Leadership Development ministries of Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ. She is married and has 2 children.