Youth--Asset or Liability?

by Rev Dr Herbert Tan

In the November 18, 2003 issue of New Straits Times on page 9 in the Life & Times section, Tom Robbins reports in "Demands of children lift divorce rate" that in the past 20 years, children have become a "risk factor". More and more couples are blaming their children for the stress in their marriage. However Robbins acknowledges that "Just why children now upset marriages remains unclear".

Children or youth used to be an asset to the family in the agricultural setting. The more children you have meant more hands on the farm, hence we have children contributing to the economic well being of the family. Children grew up to be youth knowing that they were significant and that they contributed to the well being of the family. Things changed with industrialization and urbanization. In today’s world, young people are no longer needed to contribute to the economic well being of the family. Machines have taken over and there are many well-meaning laws that prevent child labour. Today, young people have become liabilities and parents would talk about how many children they can "afford to have". So families tend to be smaller and in small families, parents do a lot of adjusting to their kids. About almost every meal, parents would be asking what their kids want to eat and whether they are hungry or not. By the time they become youth, they have become so used to the "world" adjusting to them and parents say their children are causing them stress in their marriages. Wake up world! The youth are the product of their parents . . . we have either consciously or unconsciously shaped them that way!

In terms of redeeming the present youth generation, the picture in the family seems bleak but assuming that there is a way to handle youth as assets, parents are wondering how can we even get started when "the youth just won’t listen". From an educational perspective as well as leadership developmental perspective, such a situation happens progressively, NOT suddenly as most parents would assume. Connecting to youth as assets starts in the first nine years of their lives. Or as Harold Wilkes would put it, "The education of our children begins one hundred years before they are born".

Are we too late then? No, we are not and the road to recovery and redemption begins with a change of mindset and how we look at the youth in our homes. They may not be contributing to the economic well being of the family, but they can contribute to the well being of the family in other ways. Joel’s prophecy talks about sons and daughters prophesying, young men see visions, and old men dream dreams. There seems to be 3 distinctive age groups in his prophecy – non-adults, young adults, and old adults. Could the first group be referring to young people like the youth? If so, then the youth are the prophetic voice of today. Irregardless of your definitions of prophecy, the prophetic voice addresses situations as it is and if parents dare to ask the youth what they think of them, the youth would tell it like it is. Threatening for many but in a right perspective, challenging and an opportunity for accountability and growth! What an asset in a day and age where accountability relationships are so lacking.

What about the altruism of youth? Their zeal and sense of justice and care are a lot sharper at their age and if not tapped into and nurtured, would naturally "developed" into a more relativistic and compromising way of life by middle adulthood. Even youth gangsters have a great sense of justice and care in their own system. How about tapping into this characteristic of youth and channel its energies into helping, even training the family to reach out to others around especially in obedience to the second great commandment to "love your neighbour as yourself?" How about allowing them to be at the forefront of missions in their zeal and tapping into that experience and vision for the growth of the family in relation to the fulfilment of the Great Commission? What an asset in training to serve God.

What about the connectedness of the youth to the next generation? Anthropologists are suggesting that one cultural generation of youth may be only 3 to 4 years. Some of us parents are experiencing a situation not called "generation gap" but "generation canyon". But the youth are most connected to their own. Perhaps they are the best people to tell their parents where they need to connect better if the marriage is to be God’s smallest unit in ministry and spiritual battles. Perhaps they are important assets to help their parents who are leaders in ministry to build a ministry that is relevantly fulfilling the Great Commission in every generation.

The strength of the family lies in the weakest link. If youth are seen as liabilities, then we have created a weak link in our families. We can begin to strengthen that link by changing our mindset and begin to see youth as assets. Here are some suggestions to help us walk that path of a redeemed mindset about the youth in our families:

1. Pray and thank God often for the youth in your family.

2. Ask God to build in you a humble and teachable heart, and begin to tap into the resources found in your youth.

3. Listen to their views often as God may be speaking to us through them.

4. Give a place and sense of significance by having them contribute in some ways to the growth of the family.

5. Remember to affirm over and over again that they are important and needed in the family.

6. Spend time together building friendships – you don’t have many years left before they leave the nest.

7. Constantly pray for the protection and renewing of their minds.

Rev Dr Herbert Tan is a FamilyLife Consultant with MCCC. Married with 2 children, he does extensive training for families and leaders who work with youth throughout Malaysia. He is also a Strategic Resource member of South-East Asia Campus Crusade for Christ.