Now is the Time

by Voon Yee Bin

A young couple once shared with us their dilemma: they wanted to serve God, but found it difficult to do so because their children were still young and at the same time many unforeseen circumstances arose in the home. As a result, they were often filled with an uneasy feeling of guilt. This raised some questions in our mind. "Does it mean that when I focus on my family, then I am not putting God first? Does it mean that when I love my family I cannot love God?

In fact in the eyes of God, raising our children is an important ministry and parents are to give attention to it. It is also a holy calling given by God to parents. Therefore parents do not need to feel guilty, for loving our family is also a response to loving God.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." Then comes a list of events in the verses that follow, "A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, ... a time to weep and a time to laugh," and so on. And then in verses 10 and 11 Solomon says, "I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Verse 14 says, "I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him."

God gives us a full description of the mystery of life through the wisdom of Solomon. He says there is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. Likewise, we know very well that there is a season for the various stages of parenthood. The stages include infancy, preschool, youth, empty nest, etc. Ecclesiastes says that God made everything; that includes you, me, your children, and the family. And He made each appropriate in its time. This means God made every person and everything for a purpose and in His perfect timing. Viewed from this perspective, God has a perfect timing and design for every stage of parenthood. But it is for us parents to discover it. If parents were to establish themselves and the next generation according to God's will at every stage, this is a "mission" in itself. Such a mission or ministry is not confined to the usual positions in church that we are familiar with, for example being an usher, song leader, deacon, etc. But it is about building the next generation, and even many generations beyond. This is the basic ministry of parents.

There is a common feeling among parents when their children are still young that the children never seem to grow up. After a tiring day of changing many diapers for the baby, soothing his cries and all the baby talk, we can't help but ask, "When will all these come to an end?" We seldom take a good look at the various developing stages of life, thus we are not able to understand what we can do when we are at each stage. However, if we were to have an overview of our life from the beginning to the end, we may realize that raising children is a precious part of our life-it is a season to be treasured and enjoyed.

In other words, we will never be parenting a baby-feeding him and changing his diapers four-hourly and even at midnight-forever. Therefore we must remain alert in order to fully enjoy it and be well prepared to raise our children at every stage. When we do well in this God-given role, we shall enjoy His presence and blessing. As we obey Him, He will make our family a blessing to others and expand our scope of ministry. Before I was pregnant with my first child someone gave me a book entitled "On Becoming Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo. The message conveyed by the book is: "The first day when the child arrives, parents must lead them to obey their authority and to adjust to the natural laws created by God." Up till now we are still learning to apply this principle in our marriage and parenting relationships. We also share this book and the principle taught in the book with every young parent. This opens up opportunities for us to help and bless other families.

Likewise in the marriage relationship, we had a lot of conflicts when we first got married. We put in much effort to apply principles from the Bible and Christian books in order to build our relationship. When our eldest son was five, God led us to a newly-wed couple. We sought to help them not because we felt we were already perfect, but we were making ourselves available to God. We shared not about our victories but our failures and lessons learned from God and His Word. That was how we embarked on the ministry of premarital counseling. Now that our son is 13 years old, we are learning how to raise a young adult. We highly value this period of time because we know that very soon he will leave us and move on to his adulthood. We sincerely desire that by then he can be a blessing to society. Also, because of him we get to bless families with young adults as we mutually learn and encourage each other.

At this stage of my life, I am learning some valuable truths: "Do not wish for any stage of my life to pass by quickly, but enjoy the stage that I am in right now." This is because our experiences and our relationships with others will not remain the same forever. In times of difficulties let us learn the lessons well, for they will help us improve in the days ahead. Having said that, let us not think that it is alright for us to work on our career and family first right now, and when our children have grown up and we are retired we will serve God. Ecclesiastes says that God "has set eternity in the heart of men." It implies that He placed in us a longing for the future and a desire to make plans. And the following verse says, "yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." It reveals that we are neither in control nor able to predict the future. With this understanding, we learn to fear God now, and seek to truly know Him and commit to Him the future which is not within our control.

On the whole, as we seek to strike a balance, the following principles and points of reference may be helpful:

1. Always keep in mind our calling. Regardless of the stage of life we are in, we need to examine whether God is glorified in what we do. Do I firmly believe that the nurturing work at this time of my life is God's calling for me?
2. Acknowledge that family is the most important place to serve God. There is no perfect family. Yet when a family is dedicated to God, every member will seek to please God and love one another. It has the potential to become the most meaningful place in the world for a person to live in.

Lastly, which is also the most important, do what God wants you to do. When we enjoy God's presence, and enjoy doing everything God commands us to do, we will welcome every person and everything which God brings into our life, including our family, church, work, etc. These "items" are supposed to mutually support and build each other up instead of competing with each other. In other words, I enjoy my family life because I love God. And because I enjoy my family life, I can fully give myself to my work and ministry. With this the point stressed in Ecclesiastes is accomplished.

Voon Yee Bin and her husband Tan Sin Guan serve with MCCC's Leaders' Impact! Ministry.