Recipe For A Connecting Marriage

by Michael Ng

Marriage is the most joyous celebration in a couple's lifetime. At the same time it can also become the most disappointing and frustrating experience. Getting married is easy. Staying married is a different story. This is because getting married in an act; staying married is an art. It takes lots of time, effort and sacrifices to acquire the fine art of marriage.

I'd like to suggest that you consider the seven ingredients to a connecting marriage. To stay married, you need to be connected to each other physically, emotionally and spiritually. Mix up Commitment, Communication, Companionship, Courtship, Creativity, Celebration, & Challenge in its proper proportion and whalla - you've a delicious marriage concoction.

Let me begin with commitment. Staying married requires 100% commitment from both parties. Commitment is best illustrated by the following story: - A pig and a hen were passing a church when they heard the pastor's sermon on helping the poor. The hen was so touched he told the pig they need to get involved. "Let's supply the poor with ham and egg for breakfast". The pig replied, "For you, that's involvement; for me, that's commitment!" Marriage is a lifetime commitment and the lifeline in a marriage is communication.

We often hear that communication breakdown is a common problem. Many of our heartaches & pain would be resolved if couples would learn the art of communicating. It involves conversation including tone of voice, body language, and physical responsiveness at a deeper level of transparency where you bare your soul. Are you transparent with your spouse or do you need to hide from each other? The result of communication is communion. Somebody said, "When communication stops, abnormality sets in." Margaret Mead says, "There is no lonelier person than the one who lives with a spouse with whom he or she cannot communicate."

Are you still courting your wife? Let me say this, courtship does not end at the altar. Courtship is for life. Men block out everything else to court their sweetheart in the early days to impress upon her how much she means to him; does she mean any less now? Courtship brings out the best of each other and is one spice that you must add generously to your marriage.

One of the chief goals in marriage is companionship. In Matt 19:5-6, Jesus said, 'For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'? "Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." This verse expresses the idea of companionship. How well do you relate to your spouse? Is your spouse still a friend? Do you have any interest in common?

Creativity is needed to cultivate your relationship. Marriage is not stagnant. It is a growing and maturing relationship through the seasons of life. Creativity adds colour and zest to the marriage. Creativity is the art of marriage. If you want your marriage to be different, don't do the predictable year in, year out. Be imaginative and catch your spouse by surprise. It is the mundane that robs us of the joy of living. It's the little surprises that make the difference!

When you've all the above, surely your marriage will be a cause for celebration. Is your marriage a lifetime celebration or a celebration of a lifetime? A lot of time, effort and commitment are needed before your marriage can become a celebration but it is worth it! Make this a goal you and your spouse seek to achieve.

Finally, marriage is a continuous challenge. When we go through different phases and seasons of our lives, we face new challenges. Each new challenge serves as an opportunity to overcome adversities as a couple drawing us closer to each other and bringing us to greater heights.

May I therefore challenge you to add these ingredients into your marriage and experience for yourself the transformation it will bring forth.

Michael is the National Director for FamilyLife Malaysia, a ministry of Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ. In the insurance industry since 1987, he and his wife Judy have spoken at many FamilyLife conferences. They have been happily married since 1984 and have two daughters.