The Path to Reconciliation

by Dr Leong Tien Fock

Life in this fallen world can be traumatic. Ungodly forces beyond human control have become so pervasive that the manner in which we live and work is itself distressing. And even people with good intentions may unknowingly perpetrate injustice. So every now and then we can't help but feel an acute sense of helplessness and despair. For some of us, this becomes chronic and we experience depression, which may be mild or severe. In recent years it is happening even to children.

When we are overwhelmed with negative emotions culminating in helplessness and despair, what are we to do as Christians? In times like this God no longer seems all-loving (He cares about me), all-knowing (He knows about me) and all-powerful (He can do something about it). Yet this is exactly what we need to affirm about Him. But how are we to do it when our feelings have let us down?

Every human emotion, whether positive or negative, is expressed in the Psalms. Collectively the Psalms teach us how to express our feelings, whether positive or negative, to God. Expressing positive feelings to God during good times helps to cultivate a disposition needed to face bad times. Expressing negative feelings to God during bad times helps to maintain or regain that disposition.

It is common experience that when we express our negative feelings in an appropriate way we are relieved of them. What more appropriate way is there than to express and release them to God? This is not to say that other appropriate means like confiding in a spouse or friend cannot be used at the same time.

We usually have no problem expressing negative feelings to God when they are about ourselves, other people or circumstances. What happens if and when the feelings are about God Himself? Are we still able to express them to Him?

In Psalm 13 David begins his prayer with, "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? … How long will my enemy triumph over me?" He even "demands" a response from God: "Look on me and answer, O LORD my God." Though David still recognizes the LORD as his God, he is here expressing his impatience with Him.

Psalms like this teach us to express to God exactly what we feel, including our feelings of impatience or even anger with Him (Psalm 44). They show us how to express to God negative feelings about Him as an expression of faith in Him. But can we really be expressing faith in God when we are expressing our impatience or anger with Him?

It is actually a good sign that we are capable of becoming impatient or even angry with God. For the pains we experience are clearly caused by people or circumstances or both. So to "blame" God we must first believe that a personal God exists and that He is in control of whatever happens in this universe. This involves believing in the God of the Bible. People who believe that an impersonal force governs the universe would have to accept with resignation whatever befalls them as "fated". There is no God to blame or complain to.

We become impatient or angry with God because we feel He is not acting according to what we believe about Him, as revealed in the Bible. He could have protected us but He did not. This in itself is affirming that God is all-powerful. Our complaint is that He is not using His power.

We are not suggesting that we choose to become impatient or angry with God whenever things go wrong. We are talking about situations in which we cannot help it. We are then not being more spiritual by denying it. By not being honest with Him we are actually denying that He already knows what is in our heart. So expressing to God negative feelings about Him amounts to affirming that He is all-knowing. In fact, suppressing them may in itself lead to depression.

We need God most when we are going through difficult times. But when we are impatient or angry with Him we may not even want to seek Him unless we are ready to express our true feelings to Him. We then need to be bold enough to be this honest with God. And to be this bold we need first to recognize that He is always compassionate to those who seek Him. So by expressing to God negative feelings about Him, we are already affirming that He is all-loving. In fact in Psalm 13 itself David explicitly affirms, "But I trust in your unfailing love." Psalm 103 further explains why David is able to be honest with God: "For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love toward those who fear Him … As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him."

Thus the Psalms teach us how to affirm that God is still all-loving, all-knowing and all-powerful even when our feelings have let us down to the point that we become impatient or angry with God. Becoming relieved of the negative feelings in the process is then only the by-product of this affirmation of faith in God. In this way we maintain or regain the disposition needed to face the trying situation.

We have focused on preventing depression caused by distressful conditions. If we have already become depressed, we need to reverse the process through expressing our feelings to God as well as dwelling on truths relevant to our case (Phil 4:8). It may help to express our thoughts and feelings by putting them in writing. And we may need a counselor to help us through this journey. Needless to add, in cases of more severe depression, medical attention may also be necessary.

Dr Leong Tien Fock is Research coordinator of Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ.