Christians and Midlife Crisis

by Dr Leong Tien Fock

Why would an advertising executive at the peak of his career suddenly decide to work at a fast-food restaurant frying hamburgers? If you watched the movie American Beauty you know it is because he wanted a job with the minimum amount of responsibility. Psychologists and family counselors would say this is a symptom of a midlife crisis.

According to Elisabeth Gwee in a report in The Straits Times, "Midlife crisis is not a myth, nor does it affect only men." She writes that according to Associate Professor Calvin Fones, head of psychological medicine at the National University [of Singapore] Hospital, "It's a part of life that most people will experience from the age of 40. Physical, psychological and social changes will bring with them real problems that cannot be ignored." Fones says it occurs when people realize their own mortality, as well as a change in time frame from "time since birth" to "time left to live".

Though women are also affected, on the whole they deal with it better. Fones says, "Women are multi-taskers and tend to have more buffers. Work is not the only focus in their lives since they would be occupied [for example] with raising a family too." In contrast, most men's identities are linked to their careers. "All meaning in life and gratification is tied to it, so once that's in doubt, there's more of a crisis." This also means not even every man is prone to mid-life crisis - only those who count on their work for self-advancement and temporal success.

Family therapist Benny Bong adds, "Some men reach a stage in their lives when, perhaps confronted by the reality that old age and death are approaching, they may decide to take one final opportunity to live the life they never had. For some, it takes the form of starting a new relationship [having an affair] or a new career." He likens midlife crisis to an adolescent's identity crisis: "Just as teenagers ask, 'What is the meaning of life?' those experiencing midlife crisis ask, 'What is the meaning of my life?'"

Teenagers could still think that they would find the meaning of life if only they set their hearts to it. But people in midlife have had their chance to pursue their dreams, including raising a family. These are the two major means through which career-minded people seek for meaning in life. When they fail to find that elusive meaning even though they are reasonably successful, and they are slipping past the prime of their life, crisis may strike.

Is it true that "midlife crisis" is basically about the lack of meaning in life?

Renowned psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said in his book The Unheard Cry for Meaning, "For too long we have been dreaming a dream from which we are now waking up: the dream that if we just improve the socioeconomic situation of people, everything will be okay, people will become happy. The truth is that as the struggle for survival has subsided, the question has emerged: survival for what? Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for."

To substantiate, he reports that a former assistant of his at Harvard University could show that "among graduates of that university who went on to lead quite successful, ostensibly happy lives, a huge percentage complained of a deep sense of futility, asking themselves what all their success had been for". He then asks, "Does this not suggest that what today is so often referred to as 'midlife crisis' is basically a crisis of meaning?"

What then is the meaning of life and how do we find it? As teenagers we may have decided that the purpose of our life was pursuing a successful career and raising successful children. Since we did have a purpose to live for we may have found some meaning in life. But when we reach midlife the sense of our mortality kicks in. "Some meaning in life" is no longer adequate. What is needed now is the meaning of life, the very point of our existence. The purpose we live for must now take into consideration the reality that whatever success we have will ultimately come to nothing. King Solomon had in abundance every temporal blessing a mortal being ever wanted. In the light of inevitable death he cried out: "Vanity of vanities. All is vanity. What profit does man have in all his toil which he does under the sun?" (Eccl 1:2-3).

Unless we live for an eternal purpose we will not find the meaning of life. We would then assume that "full-time Christian workers" who sincerely live for Jesus would have found the meaning of life and thus will not experience midlife crisis. For not only is their motivation centered on the eternal, their very vocation is all about the eternal. However, this is a false assumption.

We are all entrusted with spiritual gifts and natural talents to be used for the Master. Paul says, "It is required of stewards that they be found trustworthy" (1 Cor 4:2). Peter says, "Like good stewards of the manifold grace of God, serve one another with whatever gift each of you has received" (1 Pet 4:10). What God requires of us is also what is best for us. We need to use our gifts and talents to serve God, whether in some form of "Christian ministry" or "secular work". Otherwise in midlife we may still sense a significant lack of meaning even if our purpose in life is to serve Him. Imagine one who has the gifting and passion of an evangelist but serving as a pastor. Or one with the talents and passion of a teacher but serving as an administrator. It is like using a piano to play trumpet music or a trumpet to play violin music. We would say, "This is meaningless!"

One pastor observed that increasingly pastors in their 40s are leaving the pastorate while "lay Christians" in their 40s are entering the pastorate. Should we be surprised? God can use a midlife crisis to help us discover our true calling in life.

Dr Leong Tien Fock is Research coordinator of Malaysia Campus Crusade for Christ.